The online predators who tried to make me a target.

I’d like to say I’m able to see the good in people. But in recent times I’ve discovered new depths that a predator will turn to. Back in February I lost my wife to cancer, and since her passing I’ve now twice become a target on social media, from scumbags posing as young women who want to, “get to know me more”.

The first was obvious and I could smell a rat within five minutes. “She” had only two photos on her Facebook profile. The images showing a curvaceous young girl probably in her twenties wearing skimpy clothes that barely touched the edges. She said she was a hairdresser from Texas who claimed to have lost both parents at the age of four. And the only thing that would make her happy was “a real man to make her feel like a queen”.

Now I may be vulnerable right now, but I’m not stupid; so, decided to play along and waste their time. For the next hour we chatted, and I fed her a pack of lies saying I was 98 years old, live in a straw house on Bodmin moor and take my annual holiday in Azerbaijan. But no matter what I threw her way, she still came back professing my profile photos made her have special feelings towards me. It was a complete crock of s**t!

However, this was a children’s playground compared to my next stalker. Here, with just a single photo on their LinkedIn profile they amassed over 500 connections. This one was more subtle than the last and the conversation was slower. They initiated the dialogue stating they were bored due to lockdown and just fancied a chat. I’m far from looking for a new partner but I am lonely, especially in this wretched lockdown. So a chat with a connection on a professional business platform was a welcome relief. Over the next few days, we would each leave the occasional message as they tried to gain my trust. But when I started to ask more about them, I began to get suspicious with their answers, and it wasn’t long before the same pattern started to emerge.

The person in question went by the name of Malissa, and said they were a 33-year-old travelling nurse from Canada. However, a quick search of their profile photo revealed two interesting things. “Malissa’s” LinkedIn photo is identical to a Facebook profile under the name of Alia dating back to 2016. Further research however reveals the actual person in the profile photo is 36-year-old American born Playboy model, Sara Jean Underwood.

I’ve notified both LinkedIn and Facebook that this photograph is being used on these popular platforms so hopefully they will take appropriate action. As for “Malissa”, I told her I was going to write this article and asked why she had made a fake profile. Within minutes, it was amusing to see her side of the conversation had disappeared, and the profile was instantly deleted. In the meantime, for anyone else who thinks they can take advantage of someone who is recently widowed, my advice to you, is don’t waste your time with me!

I’m now having to readjust back into the single life once more and deal with my loss. My wife was the most wonderful person you could ever meet. She was kind, funny, warm hearted and generous. Now I have a massive hole in my heart that will never properly heal. She may not physically be with me, but I will still always love her, until the end of time.

To see more about how cancer in the family really affects your life, click on the link below to follow my wife’s journey as she dealt with dealing with this wretched disease.

https://davidwalkerfj.blogspot.com/2019/10/cancer-is-hell-documenting-lauras.html

I'm completely heartbroken and feeling crushed...

Am I depressed, or am I just sad?

Coronavirus, the Pandemic that’s gripped the world and brought it to a standstill. Every country across the planet is now affected by the crisis one way or another. Millions of people are facing hardship in ways that we’ve never experienced before. From senior politicians to rock stars, this virus takes no mercy and is coming to a neighbourhood near you.

In February this year, I lost my wife. She was my rock, my soulmate and my Angel. After two years of fighting cancer, she lost her life at the age of just 45 and was cruelly taken away from me and her family. We had barely even started to work our way through the grieving process when Coronavirus started to hit the world and social isolation became the new buzzwords.

For me, I’m now having to adjust to life once more as a single person. I’m only a couple of years older but right now I feel I’m in my nineties. As the virus spread from China to Europe and then the States, we watched in vain as country after country started to go into lockdown. In the UK, we’re now five weeks in and like most of others, the unemployment rate skyrocketed. All my clients have dropped by the wayside and I'm unable to claim any benefits. My outgoings have increased but my income has dried up, and my closest friends are an hour's drive away. On social media I see people getting restless – fights are breaking out and the masses are desperately trying to find new and different ways to keep themselves occupied.

Day one of lockdown saw me mowing the lawn, clearing the garage and even hoovering the car. By day three the oven had been cleaned and cobwebs dusted from off the ceiling. They say that you need to keep busy and stay in a routine, but I wonder how many of us are doing that? As the days go by, I'll admit, it's getting more difficult to think of what to do. 

Life in my house is now so very different. There is no background noise that my wife loved. No TV, no radio, no chatter. Just silence. I can’t sleep, I’m eating less and am getting thinner. This blog is a personal cry for help because I don't know where to turn, and yet, I’m physically unable to communicate with the outside world in the same way as before. Noise is a distraction – and an unwelcome one at that. But the isolation and sheer loneliness are turning in on me. It’s a kind of a viscous circle and the sad thing is that I know I’m not on my own.

I’m currently trying to do my best in socially isolating from others whenever I go out to get fresh air or exercise. I’ve not been shopping in seven weeks and reckon I can last one week more before I must go out and get supplies. So, the question now is, am I just deeply sad brought on by a series of unfortunate circumstances. Or am I heading towards depression? My wife and I boarded the cancer rollercoaster in October 2018 and since then I’ve not got off. Being in isolation is hard at the best of times but being recently widowed and then thrown into isolation is even worse. 

I love my wife so much and miss her enormously. I'm not sure how much longer I can carry on. 

davidwalkerfj@gmail.com