Am I depressed, or am I just sad?
Coronavirus, the Pandemic that’s gripped the world and
brought it to a standstill. Every country across the planet is now affected by
the crisis one way or another. Millions of people are facing hardship in ways
that we’ve never experienced before. From senior politicians to rock stars,
this virus takes no mercy and is coming to a neighbourhood near you.
In February this year, I lost my wife. She was my rock, my soulmate and my
Angel. After two years of fighting cancer, she lost her life at the age of just
45 and was cruelly taken away from me and her family. We had barely even
started to work our way through the grieving process when Coronavirus started
to hit the world and social isolation became the new buzzwords.
For me, I’m now having to adjust to life once more as
a single person. I’m only a couple of years older but right now I feel I’m in
my nineties. As the virus spread from China to Europe and then the States, we watched in vain as
country after country started to go into lockdown. In the UK, we’re now five
weeks in and like most of others, the unemployment rate skyrocketed. All my clients have dropped by the wayside and I'm unable to claim any benefits. My outgoings have increased but my income has dried up, and my closest friends are an hour's drive away. On social
media I see people getting restless – fights are breaking out and the masses are desperately trying to find new and
different ways to keep themselves occupied.
Day one of lockdown saw me mowing the lawn, clearing
the garage and even hoovering the car. By day three the oven had been cleaned
and cobwebs dusted from off the ceiling. They say that you need to keep busy
and stay in a routine, but I wonder how many of us are doing that? As the days go by, I'll admit, it's getting more difficult to think of what to do.
Life in my house is now so very different. There is no
background noise that my wife loved. No TV, no radio, no chatter. Just silence.
I can’t sleep, I’m eating less and am getting thinner. This blog is a personal cry
for help because I don't know where to turn, and yet, I’m physically unable to communicate with the outside world in the same way as
before. Noise is a distraction – and an unwelcome one at that. But the
isolation and sheer loneliness are turning in on me. It’s a kind of a viscous circle
and the sad thing is that I know I’m not on my own.
I’m currently trying to do my best in socially
isolating from others whenever I go out to get fresh air or exercise. I’ve not
been shopping in seven weeks and reckon I can last one week more before I must
go out and get supplies. So, the question now is, am I just deeply sad brought
on by a series of unfortunate circumstances. Or am I heading towards
depression? My wife and I boarded the cancer rollercoaster in October 2018 and
since then I’ve not got off. Being in isolation is hard at the best of times
but being recently widowed and then thrown into isolation is even worse.
I love my wife so much and miss her enormously.
davidwalkerfj@gmail.com
I love my wife so much and miss her enormously.
davidwalkerfj@gmail.com
